Posts from — June 2008

(this is going to be a little long, so bear with me)

Now that I’m a parent of a child with a disability, I’m becoming newly aware of some of the challenges that will have to be faced from the big, bad world not only by my son but by myself as well. And while some of these have already proven to be more in my head than actual reality (see this post, where I worry about people’s reactions to my lovely boy), it’s recently been made clear that not all of them can be washed away with simple paranoia. The first one that’s really come to the fore is the casual use of the words “retard” and “retarded.”

A few weekends ago, I was figuratively punched in the face in rapid succession while otherwise minding my own business with these words. The first instance came while I was reading a friend’s copy of Invincible, wherein the book’s main character says the following:

And then shortly after that, in another book, DC’s All-Star Superman, I read this:

And then Amy and I settled in to watch Semi-Pro, thinking it would be light and funny, and during Will Ferrell’s first monologue, at a point where he’s introducing the players on the team, goes on to describe how one of the guys has a retarded brother, and “not just retarded, but like three kinds of retarded.” (I’m paraphrasing, but this is pretty close).

I don’t know if it had to do with the rapid barrage of “retards” or what, but by the end of the weekend, I was kind of pissed off. And then it happened again the next week in a review of The Love Guru in our local free weekly paper, where the author used the phrase “giggling like a retarded kindergartner.” And I got a little more pissed off. So I did what any nonconfrontational dude with a computer would do…I sent some e-mails.

One of the great things about our internet age is that you can pretty easily contact anybody — especially in the comic-book world, which in recent years has become a venue in which authors (at least some) encourage contact with their readers.

With that in mind, the first e-mail I sent was to Robert Kirkman, the writer of Invincible.

Here’s the note I sent him:

Hello, Mr. Kirkman,

I just this weekend finished reading the third hardcover volume of Invincible and really dug it — sorry not to line your pocketbook, but a friend of mine lent the first three volumes to me, knowing that it would be in my wheelhouse, which it was, except for one little thing…

And this is something that I probably wouldn’t have noticed a year ago if I had read your book then, but it stuck out like a sore thumb for me now. And that was your casual use of the word “retarded.”

See, last October, my wife gave birth to our first son. And as a surprise to us both, he was born with Down syndrome. Before he entered our life, I had very little understanding or empathy for people with disabilities and had never known anyone with Down syndrome. And, yes, before his birth (and occasionally when I slip up even now) I would’ve thrown the word “retarded” around without giving it a second thought.

But I can’t do that now. Because my little boy, who’s about the sweetest and most lovable little man around, while he may have some impairment and would therefore be considered medically to be retarded, is not someone that should ever be disparaged in any way and is certainly not dumb. And using that word or the phrase “that’s retarded” in an offhand manner to describe something slow or stupid is nothing more than a slur and I’d like to simply not see it in casual conversation and writing.

This especially struck me in your book, though it’s popped out at me recently in a number of venues (and this will not be the last of these letters that I send out, you can be sure), because Invincible is a comic book with a wide audience, and one that includes kids — and, in this instance, it was the hero of the book who said something was “retarded,” reinforcing the idea that it’s an acceptable description to use. It’s going to be difficult enough for my son and other kids like him out there in the world without being called a retard and for that to be considered acceptable.

While my best guess would be that you in no way intended this in an offensive way, I’m hoping maybe by reading this you’ll understand that it was. And in the same way that I’m guessing you’d never in your book have Mark tell someone they were about to “get jewed” by a money lender and that it would be incomprehensible for him to call someone “faggoty” or to have him sigh and roll his eyes and say under his breath “that’s just what you’d expect from a Negro” (or worse), I’d like to ask you to no longer have him call ideas or things retarded or people retards. You may not think so, but as the parent of a child with a disability and for my child who I hope to have read comics someday, this is just as bad a slur as any of the above. And while it’s a long shot at best to get the wider public to understand that, I’d at least like to think that maybe I could start to see it a little less often.

And maybe that could start with you.

I appreciate your taking the time to read this letter. I will be posting a version of this at my personal blog, http://www.disposablebrain.com, and if you choose to reply and would allow me, I’ll post your response there as well.

I wish you and your family well (the afterword to volume 3 mentioned that you had a new son, who’s probably a toddler by now — congratulations!)

Thanks,

Jonas

I don’t know if I really expected a response, but it definitely felt good to put that out there. And yet the very next day, I got this pretty great response:

Feel free to post this on your blog.

You seem like a very intelligent person from what I’ve read on your blog that you linked, so I’m going to be a bit frank and trust that you’ll be reasonable.

I like the word “retarded.” I think it’s a funny word and I find myself saying it more than I should. I know it’s a horrible word, now…and rightly so, but that still frustrates me. I feel okay saying this as you even admitted that you from time to time do slip up and say it yourself… although I would guess you never say it in reference to your son. And neither would I. It’s a hurtful word… and I see why and I do cringe a little when I say it… but I continue to do so as a rebellion against society. Because society is… a little retarded.

Crippled is a bad word now. That became “handicapped” or “physically handicapped” and as I understand it–that’s recently become “differently abled.” I’m not “differently abled” so I really shouldn’t be speaking about it… but what happens when that term is deemed offensive over time? If some asshole who uses a word that describes something as a negative… why do we retreat to new words?

I feel a little okay discussing this because I have been kind of fat all my life. I’d prefer “a little chubby” but I have always been fat enough for people to, on occasion, call me FAT. I don’t like it. Nobody likes it, and I suppose it could be argued that I could… exercise more and stop eating so it’s not exactly the same–but bear with me. FAT doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I’m not “Weight Challenged” or “Getting through a door handicapped” I’m FAT.

So why do other words continually get cycled away? That annoys me. Why can’t a waitress be called a WAITRESS? Why does she have to be a server? That sounds like SERVANT when sounds MORE offensive to me. Can I not call her a woman anymore? Is she just a person now? When did denoting gender become offensive? “Actor in a female role” makes me want to vomit.

That said–your son is more important to me than my pointless stand against society. As a reader I value your support and as a father I understand your stance and wholeheartedly agree with it.

When Mark says “Retarded” in the context of the series I always knew there was something wrong about it. I did it anyway because he was a teenager, and I thought it was realistic to have him be so careless with his words, and even offensive. To be around a teenager today and see them throw around the word “gay” as if it meant “stupid” is another example of this. Teenagers are, well… assholes in a lot of ways and I wanted to bring that realism to the book in a way I thought was only mildly offensive.

That said, Invincible, starting with issue 51 is about Mark growing up–becoming more mature and adult… and I think it’s a good time to retire that word once and for all. So rest assured, it won’t be appearing again.

And I personally won’t be using it for the sake of my son. I don’t want to set a bad example and I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure he’s not an asshole teenager.

I don’t agree with the demonization of words on a seemingly arbitrary level… but y’know, if that’s a way we can all be kinder and more understanding toward each other… who am I to argue? If there was more of that going around… the world might be a better place.

Thank you for your letter.

-Robert Kirkman

Pretty great, right? So I immediately wrote back with:

Thanks for the response, I appreciate it — both the sentiment and the speed.

I thought/think retarded is/was a funny word too until recently. And I agree that arbitrary “banning” of language is pretty dumb, but I also think that — as you write below — there’s no need to be an asshole. Only assholes or bullies use language intentionally to injure. And only those of us who are ignorant don’t think about the language we use.

So yeah, sure, society may be a little slow and dumb, but we don’t have to contribute to that, do we?

But at the same time, society does change and words get cycled out — like I mentioned in my initial letter, we don’t (most of us anyway) use “faggot” or “nigger” as “jew” as describers anymore because society deems that those words are now “bad”… but to follow your logic to some extent, would you feel okay using those as a fuck-you to society just for some rebellion? I’m gonna say that you wouldn’t. And even if you tried, i’m guessing your editors would have something to say about that. But for whatever reason, “retard” and “retarded” are still acceptable in our society, so you still see it pop up. I don’t know exactly how you draw that line, but I guess it’s like they say about obscenity — you know it when you see it. Or maybe, as you’ve acknowledged, once an offense is brought to your attention, you stop using it.

To continue your analogy, you’re right, some people would take offense at using “waitress” instead of “server” but there’s nothing implicitly or inherently offensive about the word “waitress.” Or “fat.” Yeah, I could use “fat” as a weapon of sorts, I guess — and as an overweight youngster myself, heard it thrown my way more than once, but it is on a different level. And again, with your characters (and your own background) you probably wouldn’t have Mark call somebody a fatty in most cases.

Your character assessment of Mark is also pretty right-on, but that doesn’t necessarily make it right. Teenagers also swear constantly, but I’m not seeing that in your book in an attempt to make it more “real.” In another recent example of the use of “retard”, Lex Luthor calls people that in the newest issue of All-Star Superman… and you could argue that he’s a villain, so whatever, but to me it’s just a lazy shortcut (especially there) — to get all nerdy about it, wouldn’t genius Lex more likely use a four-syllable word or even — in his self-realized superiority — realize that calling someone a “retard” was the sign of inherent ignorance in the average homo superior? Or maybe now I’m really overthinking this whole thing.

(And yeah, DC is getting a letter similar to the one I sent you).

And just to prove (hopefully) that I’m not totally humorless about this whole issue, I’d direct you to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3, the episode titled “Sweet Dee Dates a Retarded Person”. Equal opportunity offensiveness all around…

All that said, they day I can’t refer to a waitress as a waitress is the day I lock myself in the house with a shotgun and start screaming at the kids to get off my porch.

Really, thanks for the response. I look forward to Mark’s (and our) continued evolution.

Jonas

So with that success flush in my head, I decided it was time to write another e-mail, this time to the fine folks at DC Comics. Though I mostly reiterated what I had written to Kirkman, since DC is a bit more of a publishing behemoth, I figured I’d write to Paul Levitz (the president of DC), Bob Schreck (the editor of the series), Dan DiDio (senior VP -exective editor), and Terri Cunningham (VP- managing editor) to find out what their policy was toward use of the words “retard” and “retarded”:

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to know your editorial policy regarding the use of the word “retard” and/or “retarded.” I am asking this specifically in regard to the third panel of page 2 of the newest issue of All-Star Superman, issue 11, where Lex Luthor uses the phrase “knuckle-dragging retards.”

I hope you realize how offensive that word can be. While it’s something that I probably wouldn’t have noticed a year ago if I had read this book then, it stuck out like a sore thumb for me now.

Last October, my wife gave birth to our first son. And as a surprise to us both, he was born with Down syndrome. Before he entered our life, I had very little understanding or empathy for people with disabilities and had never known anyone with Down syndrome. And, yes, before his birth (and occasionally when I slip up even now) I would’ve thrown the word “retarded” around without giving it a second thought.

But I can’t do that now. Because my little boy, while he may have some impairment and would therefore be considered medically to be retarded, is not someone that should ever be disparaged in any way and is certainly not dumb. And using that word or the phrase “that’s retarded” in an offhand manner to describe something slow or stupid is nothing more than a slur and I’d like to simply not see it in casual conversation and writing.

This especially struck me in your book, though it’s popped out at me recently in a number of venues (and this is not the first and probably not the last of these letters that I write), because All-Star Superman is a comic book with a wide audience and is supposed to be one of your flagship titles, spreading the word that comic books can be intelligent and beautiful to look at beyond the usual customer base.

And while my guess would be that Mr. Morrison in no way intended this in an offensive way, both he and his editors should know that it was. And I’m sure there’s an argument to be made about the fact that Luthor is a bad guy who says bad things, but that’s just lazy in my opinion.
To get a little deeper into the issue from a fan’s point of view, wouldn’t a supposed genius of a character like Luthor, even though he would consider all other people to be inferior to him, realize that using any type of personal slur in that way simply drags him down to a level closer to that of the average man? Why not use the word “imbeciles” or “morons” to get the same point across? Wouldn’t he maybe view other people more like less evolved animals and maybe refer to them as “monkeys” or “cows”? (See how easy it is to avoid the word “retard” in a case like this?)

I’m guessing you’d never have a character tell someone they were about to “get jewed” by a money lender and that it would be incomprehensible for DC to allow the word “faggot” or “nigger” in one of their books unless it was to prove that using those words was wrong and hateful. In that spirit, I’d like to ask you to no longer allow writers to call ideas or things retarded or people retards. You may not realize it, but as the parent of a child with a disability and for my child who I hope to have read comics someday, this is just as bad a slur as any of the above. It’s going to be difficult enough for my son and other kids like him out there in the world without being called a retard and for that to be considered acceptable, which is reinforced by the use of it in your printed materials.

While it’s a long shot at best to get the wider public to understand that, I’d at least like to think that maybe I could start to see it a little less often. And that could start with your company.

I appreciate your taking the time to read this letter.

Again, I don’t know that I expected any response, but in fact about a week later, I got one from Paul Levitz which read:

While I haven’t had the experience that you and your wife have, the coincidence of having a local celebrity with Down’s with the same last name (Mitchell Levitz, who is from the same area where I’m bringing up my family in Westchester, though as far as I know not a relative) has perhaps helped raise my consciousness on this issue slightly.

I’ve verified with Dan DiDio that the editorial policy for the DC Universe line is indeed not to use the word “retard” (or any of several similar slurs), and he simply missed this in reviewing this issue, for which he apologizes. Dan will also ensure that it is corrected in the collected edition when that’s produced. I hope that ultimately you and your wife have the same sort of positive future with your son that Mitchell had, and that the journey is as smooth as it can be.

We take seriously our responsibilities as storytellers, and while our very different lines of comics have different editorial policies based on their different audiences and the kind of subject matter they deal with, I would hope you won’t find a pattern of other editorial issues that disturb you.

Thanks for calling this to our attention.

Sincerely,
Paul Levitz

Again, pretty fantastic, especially this line: Dan will also ensure that it is corrected in the collected edition when that’s produced. This is a pretty big deal, or so I’m told by some people in the know.

Then it was time to write to The Mercury, which is a paper that somewhat touts its holier-than-thou and dare-to-offend misanthropy on its sleeve, so using the word “retard” would not necessarily be out of bounds for them. My beef here was (as in the DC example), that it was not only unnecessary but somewhat intellectually lazy, a writer’s shortcut to get a point across without thinking about the broader implication and/or offense. In that context, I wrote the following slightly less staid letter to the editor and to the author, with whom I’ve corresponded in the past:

Hi.

Can we please, please, please declare a moratorium on the use of the word “retarded” as an adjective? I know you guys are hip and cool and could probably not give a crap about things like decorum or decency or anything of the like, but come on, really, “retarded”? That’s the best you can do?

As the new parent of a child with Down syndrome, I’m now seeing this word everywhere — where before I saw it and didn’t think twice about it, now it hits me like a punch every damn time. And it sounds incredibly cheesy to write this, but I’m hoping by raising awareness of the offense of its use, maybe it’ll evoke some change, however small.

And just because it’s used ubiquitously doesn’t make it right. It’s a slur, plain and simple. Plus it’s just lazy. If calling something “retarded” is the best you can do, maybe it’s time to get a thesaurus.

More than likely it’s popped up before in the Merc, but the example I saw today is in Erik’s review of “The Love Guru,” where he mentions “giggling like a retarded kindergartner.” Would you use the term “whimpering like a faggoty teenager” in a review? If your answer is no to that, then how about dropping the “retarded” references?

Thanks,

Jonas

I got a nice response from the author back, though he asked me not to post it as it was in an unofficial capacity. And I just found out that at the very least, they posted my e-mail in the Letters section of the paper, though no response was given to my questions.

As for Semi-Pro, I haven’t figured out what, if anything, to do about that. It seems to be a finer line in a comedic situation, as one of the things I love about comedy is the breaking of boundaries and the non-PCness of it (see my reference to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia in my note to Kirkman — that show, if you’re not familiar with it, is basically about the five worst people in the world and is equal-opportunity offensive, which I’m pretty down with.) My biggest problem with the “retarded” use in the movie was that it wasn’t even funny.

I’ve been impressed already with the small changes (with minimal effort) this has hopefully implemented, and guess that at the very least I’ll continue to note the use when I see it. I’d love to think it could be reclaimed in some way, kind of like the dad in Praying with Lior says in the trailer, “he ain’t stupid. He’s retarded, he’s not stupid. It’s different. ” That may be a bit of a pipe dream, but at the very least, I can do my part to try to get the word used a bit less often and maybe open some eyes at the same time. Like I said above, I needed my eyes opened as well… if you search for “retard” on this blog, you get three hits (prior to this post), which is probably three too many.

With all the challenges he’s going to face anyway, I can at least try to protect him from this one — I wouldn’t be a very good dad if I didn’t at least try.