movies 4-8, 2010

4 – Stepfather II: Make  Room for Daddy: Yes, that is the full and original title. As you can imagine, this flick nowhere near as good as the original, though Terry O’Quinn does what he can to keep his footing amidst the mounds of cheese heaped around him. Doesn’t help that the whole premise of the title is invalidated by the fact that the dude never even gets married in the sequel, though he does jabber on at one point about having to “make room for daddy” after he stabs some dude — the daddy in the picture, even! — in the throat with a broken liquor bottle. I really like to watch O’Quinn on Lost and pretend that his John Locke is really the stepfather and that sooner or later he’s just going to whack all the whiners on the island for not being good enough. Fingers crossed that this is the big reveal in the final season!

5 – World’s Greatest Dad: Wow, but it’s nice to see Robin Williams use his powers for good again. This might have my favorite “last five minutes” that I’ve seen in a long time — no crazy twists or anything, just a finely tuned bit of cinema that builds from everything that came before it. Along with Williams’s completely naked ass, it also contained the following piece of dialogue: “I used to think the worst thing in life was being alone. I was wrong; the worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” Man, but there have been days recently where I’ve felt like this — not in any extreme way, and more in a larger world sense than on any kind of micro one-on-one level, but still…

6 – Bullitt:  I do not get the Steve McQueen thing. He just poses onscreen like some blond monkey who’s had a face-paralyzing stroke or something, based on the lack of expression. And besides the famous car chase, this flick is a big snooze. I would love to talk to someone (MR, I’m looking at you) about why this is so beloved.

7 – The Beguiled: If you ever wanted to see Civil War-era Clint Eastwood make out with a bunch of ladies (one of whom is only 12!) and then get his leg sawed off for his troubles, man, do I have a movie for you.

8 – Extract: I kind of half-watched this, which is what it deserved. Office Space and Beavis and Butthead are classics, Idiocracy was a killer concept but failed in execution, but this… I guess it was supposed to be a take on white male emasculation in modern times, but, you know, with idiots, but again, just pretty much a failure on every level.

Actually, holy crap, I just realized that all of these movies actually fit that mold, “white male emasculation in modern times,” except for maybe The Beguilied, which wasn’t modern and which ended up being about cutting off other body parts, which was completely unintended on my part when I ordered my movie-watching queue, as I was just hoping for a few laughs and maybe some kick-ass action, but maybe there’s a subliminal message in there somewhere.