The return of the not-so-dreaded R-word

I don’t write about Ds as much as I have before because for the most part, it’s not something I actively think about all that often. Passively, it’s still there, of course, and kind of omnipresent, but it’s not a weight that I feel bearing down on me at all times. The little things that come along with it are just part of our daily lives now, and the bigger things, well, thinking about those is like staring into an abyss… and is articulated so much better than I ever could here:

I catch myself staring at Sophie a lot. Less and less, it’s about her “funny” features or funnier behaviors. It’s about leukemia. I won’t look at the statistics, I don’t want to know the exact figures, but I do know that people with Down syndrome have a greater chance of developing leukemia. Recently, I learned it’s the same for diabetes. And a lot of other physical maladies I don’t want to know about.

It’s not that I don’t want a kid with intellectual disabilities (although trust me, it took me a long time to be able to say that honestly, and there are days when it’s still a bit of a lie). It’s that I want her to be around, and healthy. I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t want her bald in a hospital bed. I don’t want her to die.

Spending too much time on that kind of stuff will just lead to ruin.

_____________________________________________

That said, there’s been another wave of “retard” incidents in these here parts. First there was a little episode in my office where I had to talk to the new woman about not using the word “retarded” around me (I mean, I’d love it if she didn’t use it general, but at least having her think about it when in my presence is a start). Then the Rahm Emmanuel thing happened where he called something “fucking retarded” and then subsequently apologized to Tim Shriver — question: why is Shriver the go-to guy to get these apologies? I understand he’s the head of the Special Olympics and all, but seriously, let’s get a new representative up there… who’s not Sarah Palin, please, since she went reliably crazy and asked Obama to fire Emmanuel for the remark. I kind of want Rahm fired myself, but his calling something “retarded” is the least of my concerns.

And then this week, it was brought to my attention that another comic used the word “retard” recently. You can see the panel here and a good comment about it here. And to Marvel’s credit, the letters page of the most recent issue is dedicated to two reactions to the usage, which can be seen here, along with the author’s kind of shitty response, that “it’s just how kids talk” and “I write how I write.” Nothing at all about maybe just not realizing the alarm bells that sets off for people or even acknowledging the really heartfelt letters that were sent in. He also writes that “this is the world… and I choose to write characters that live and breathe — and act — like real people,” which is just plain crap on a number of levels. Like the fact that none of the adults in Marvel’s comics swear, just for one example. Or the fact that there’s an editorial mandate that Marvel heroes can’t be seen smoking. I found a really good comment here that I feel like I could’ve written:

These aren’t ‘real’ kids. A writer made a choice to use a loaded term. It is something real kids say, but if you’re a writer you have the obligation to pay attention to WHAT your characters are saying and what it says about the characters. Okay, so apparently Val is like many kids, she uses derogatory language to insult. Very good, nice humanizing touch, I suppose. Now, if she was a negative character I’d say leave it at that. Jerks raise jerky kids who say jerky things without consequence. She’s not though, so why not use a subtle writing trick to indicate that this is a FLAW of hers, not something harmless and cute to be ignored?

Along with a number of comments about how there are so many other words that could’ve been used (dumbass, peabrain, etc) to make the same point without resorting to using “retard.”

Anyway, I sent a letter off to the editors this morning, and we’ll see if anything comes back. I’m really at the point where seeing “retard/retarded” in print makes me roll my eyes more than anything — as in my post below and paraphrasing my stepfather, it’s just not enough of a deal on a day-to-day basis to have it ruin my day with my wonderful kid. That said, trying to raise awareness of the issue is definitely a good thing, and letters will continue to be written.

And I’d like to think that there’s a tiny zeitgeist thing going on here, especially when I read commentaries like this one in the Huffington Post, though I know that my awareness level is higher on these things than most.

I feel like I had something else to write about this but I can’t think of it at the moment and this has gone on long enough so I’ll just go with “the end.”